J’s first fireworks….

We went to the fireworks show Saturday night. It was a small, local affair capping off a fundraiser festival benefitting a nice city park, but it wasn’t bad, considering that when I was a kid, I became very familiar with the word “dud” in relation to the pyrotechnics that were spaced 2-3 minutes apart. Back then when most people’s remote controls had short legs and grubby, sticky fingers, we didn’t expect much.

Getting ready for the event was more notable than the show itself.

See, we don’t normally go places after 7 or 8 p.m. around here. We’re homebodies. There’s a good reason. There was that parent-teacher conference almost 10 years ago during which I sat across from a very nice mother who, after I had gone through all the particulars of her child’s progress, decided to tell me an “interesting” story.

She alerted me to the fact that there was a rumor circulating around town that I had gotten drunk at a local establishment. Hmm. I’m sure that at 24 or 25, I had gotten buzzed once or twice at a bar or two in town…isn’t that what you DO when you go out? I almost dismissed the rumor as just someone exaggerating. That wasn’t really the end of the rumor, though…it seems that people were saying I had taken a student home after bartime.

Ewww. Really. I like my students, mostly, but…um…I’m happy to report that for the most part I find them particularly unattractive. Boys of the high school age are…mostly shaggy, mostly pimpled and wholly immature. Let’s just say I freaked out. Is it clear that I’ve never taken a student home…or even entertained the thought? Good. Because I haven’t.

So, we don’t go out to social events, which in these parts are mostly placed in bars. I figured I didn’t need to give the gossips more fuel. Normally, we talk about going places but unless someone is waiting for us or it’s out of town, we tend to slack at the last moment and just not go.

Fast forward to last night. T searched for what seemed like hours for folding lawn chairs, an item I don’t really stock up. He finally found one and then searched the house for a camping chair.

At the end of it all, he finally came to me.

T (with a note of desperation): “So, um, have you seen a camping chair around, anywhere?”

Me: “Why can’t just sit on blankets–there’s a stack of them over on the couch. Waaaay easier, and much more cuddly.”

T (obviously using our son as an excuse): “J likes to cuddle under blankets, not on blankets. We need chairs.”

Me: “But we could start a tradition, honey-bunny. A real tradition! Just imagine, snacking on some stovetop-popped popcorn, sipping on a pop, and cuddling J under the firewords–all on a nice blanket. Isn’t that romantic, honey?”

T: “Have you seen the camping chair?”

Me: “All right. It’s sitting out on the porch where you left it two weeks ago so that we could look like trash. Have fun with your camping chair.”

Yeeeeaaaaahhh.

Fast forward 9:15. T tested me a bit to see if I’d really force him to get off the couch and get going. Of course we were going, honey. What did you think? We’d miss J’s FIRST fireworks? Please. I don’t think so.

Once we piled into the car, T mentioned that we needed munchies. I told him we had half a bag of Sunchips and some pop we could take. Oh, no. That’s not good enough. We needed to stop at the grocery store. So, we did and he ran into the store to pick up something. I thought it might be a little something, like a bag of Doritos to share and a couple of bottles of pop (that’s soda or coke to the majority of you, but let’s not get into that here).

Of course, I was wrong.

It was more like somethings. When he came back, he had to wheel it out with a cart. There were two 12-packs of cabonated beverage in addition to a small flat of green tea. There was also a bag of candy–huge ass M&M’s (I had no idea that they’re now supersizing the M&M’s. What next?), licorice, Heath bars, Kit Kats and a few things I’m sure I’ve forgotten by this point. Had Jackson been at the age to actually partake, it would have been an event to remember.

As it was, he paid attention to the fireworks for a total of five minutes and then began an intensive examination of his toes.